The Proust Questionnaire

Adeline Ainsworth
Journalism
Ms. Parker

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Perfect happiness is only possible when we find ourselves completely satisfied with our circumstances or situation. It doesnt mean that we have all the love we may need, or perhaps all the wealth we could ask for, but what satisfies our personal and unique situation that comes with being human. I feel as though I'm one of those lucky people, who early on realized that i dont need anything else but my loved ones to be perfectly happy. As long as Ive got my loved ones and a new day, I'll do great. That's my idea of perfect happiness.

2. What is your greatest fear?

I thrive on fear most of the time. I love the idea of being scared because it gives me so much of a rush that I cant help riding the scariest rides at darien lake. Or looking for the creepiest films on netflix. My friends describe me as fearless, and a year ago it would have been very difficult to answer this question. luckily I came to this epiphany about a month ago when I was sitting alone on a playground and smoking a cigarette. It was summer and two of my best friends had moved away. I sat there thinking of what i was doing, and how new and scary the silence around me was. To be completely alone with my thoughts was different. For once i felt like time was moving slowly and I wasn't living right in the moment. My boyfriend had cheated on me, and at this time without two of my closest friends i felt helpless. I had always had so many friends and often times I would ditch them in favor of what just happened. I had started to realize what was scaring me and hurting me the most was the idea of being alone. Lonlieness is the worst feeling Ive felt. I feel it off and on sometimes even when i do have plenty of friends, I cant help feeling in limbo and in battle with myself.

3.What is your greatest extravagance?

I would have to say that my greatest extravagance is the amount of money i spend on clothing, or making myself look nice. I have a hard time excepting this, but I have an unhealthy addiction to clothes. I'm the type of girl who recycles, who cleans up after myself and cares about things going on outside of my own life. But, I often overspend on having the "hottest' look. Its not something I'm proud of. Mostly because It seems Im never satisfied and I feel very wasteful.

4.What is your current state of mind?

At the moment I'm feeling worried and i have a sort of anticipating state of mind. When I think about it to much I feel like I'm waiting around for a mistake or even disaster to happen.

5.What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

If i had to pick a virtue of the seven that could be overrated I would believe it to be Temperance. It might be naive of me to say, but i feel as though you have only one life to live so people should stop being sad, get up and experience life. So what if its not in moderation? Temperance is important but you are only young once, and at some point you have to decide if its worth holding back.

6.On what occasion do you lie?

I lie on more than one occasion, but at least I'm being honest now. I lie most to my parents. at least twice a week about what I'm doing or where I've been. I will never however, lie to someone out of spite. If and when I lie, it is to protect them or myself from being hurt by what they shouldn't or wouldn't want to know.

7.What do you dislike most about your appearance?

What I dislike most about my appearance is my hair. I'm only happy with it right after a trained hair stylist has had their hands on it. I can never seem to get it exactly how I'd like it. No matter how many hair products and straighteners i use on it, it wont last in a style i try. Ive dyed it over and over, that ive forgotten my true hair color. All i know is, it is some kind of brown.

8.What is the quality you most like in a woman? Man?

In Men and Women there is one quality I appreciate the most would have to be kindness. Its as inspiring as it is pure and attractive.

9.Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Probably the most common answer. For teenage girls at least. I say "like" to often. I also say "word" to much because one of my friends I spent a summer with used it every other sentence. Another one is "swag" which people have been saying a lot of lately.

10.When and where were you happiest?

This one took me a little while to think about. For some reason the answer that keeps replaying in my head makes me feel narcissistic, because my answer wasn't a time with a family member or even a close friend. It was when i first fell in love. I'm young and at the time I knew it was wrong but i was just so damn happy. I was old enough to know better but young enough not to care at all...But i like to think that happens to all of us when we fall in love. Actually im pretty sure its been studied and when you're in love, there's this sort of chemical reaction going on that doesn't allow you to think straight and it produces a shit load of endorphins that make you cry a lot and feel like every song on the radio is about you and him, or that your heart is coming out of your throat and is stopping you from saying the right things. When I was just happy to be in his arms and just knew how much I loved him, how in love i was, i just didn't care and in that moment I was completely happy.

11. Which talent would you most like to have?

The talent i had wanted ever since i was little and had to sit through recitals at Eastman with my grandparents for was, piano playing. Its my favorite instrument and my appreciation level for it is high enough that I respect a person with this talent more than most.

12.If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

If i could change one thing about myself it would have to be my inability to follow through with tasks and projects. I'm a smart girl (not to be confused with self centered here) and I'm talented as well. But a flaw of mine is that with all of this, I cant commit to almost anything or bring myself to my fullest potential. And honestly, it doesn't bother me so much. I like to believe there is more to life than getting caught up in perfection as nice as it is and as much as a little commitment on my part wouldn't hurt.

13. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

I would say my greatest achievement isn't something i won a prize for. Or something I received an A plus on. It's the lessons on life Ive learned so quickly. The fact that I have the courage to stick up for whats right impresses myself all the time.

14.What is your most treasured possession?

My pablo Neruda book of poetry or my great aunt's amethyst ring.

15. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

feeling as though no matter what you do or say, its like you aren't being heard or seen. That you're not even there so that nothing you do will change the situation or fix the problem you are dealing with.

16. loyalty, love and the ability to use laughter as medicine.

17. Audrey Hepburn

18. Beatrix kiddo or "the bride" in kill bill by Quentin torrentino.

19. ignorance.

20. Falling asleep into the perfect dream not worrying about stupid things like doing shopping, paying a bill, remembering there is hot water on the stove or to sweep the porch. Dreaming about my loved ones perhaps.

Talking With by Jane Martin (play assignment 1)

1. What did you think about the play as a whole? Did it surprise you or please you or frustrate you? Explain why you reacted to the play in this way.
I was very pleased with the play, because I found her writing and her characters relate able in some sense and also realistic, I especially enjoyed "Twirler" and all the quirks of the characters as well.

2. What is the premise of "Talking With"? In a sentence or two, explain what you think is the premise or main idea/theme of the play.
I think that the main idea is the variety of people and their own life experiences and stories.

3. The "audience" for each character changes as the play continues. How does the author help a viewer or reader understand who the character in question is "talking with..."? Overall, by the end of the play, who do you think the playwright Jane Martin is "Talking with...?" Support your opinion.
Jane martin helps us understand who the audience is by the dialogue used through out each monologue, when the character uses names, titles ect. also in the stage directions there are some hints also. By the end of the play I realized that Jane Martin is "talking with..." different aspiring and hopeful people telling their own stories and their own audiences.

Dear Dad,

Amy a young woman in her twenties wearing a simple black dress, is at her fathers funeral she stands beside the closed coffin in a otherwise empty funeral home.

AMY: Well, here we are. twenty two years later and we meet again.
Do you find me crazy? to actually come to your funeral?, because I know I do.
My mom laughed. yeah she fucking laughed about it! her full belly laugh too. I almost understood why you left her when I was barely one month old.
But then I remembered the years and years of my life i spent struggling with relationships and that whole "love" bull shit. When i was fifteen, my therapist blamed it on you and when i used to try and talk to mom about it she would say I can only blame it on myself. That there are kids starving in Africa worse off than me, who have no father either but also no water or bread, and yet they are the most grateful and kind people around. That's when we just argued and she sent me to talk to the therapist about my problems.
I know you are probably wondering what her problem is? well, I'll tell ya I'm sure you made her this way, no offense, I mean only cause your dead and I respect you, not cause i actually feel bad for you or anything,
But I bet after you left and broke her heart that she turned this sour and bitter.
I used to resent her so much for it, but it wasn't only until the other day that i hugged her in five years, and told her i love her.
Because at that time I finally understood, and I understood that although you left her so long ago, that she was still carrying this poison in her gut eating away at her stomach and heart! I know, I know Dramatic! she says I got that from you,
but, that's besides the point, back to my story, I realized that deep agonizing pain the other day when my fiance left me for another woman.
Yes, that's correct "daddy" I was engaged, there's twenty two years of life that you missed out on so don't sound shocked.
either way, after i lay in my bed a few hours, realizing that my hair was stuck up and my face dirty with make up i had smeared in my half sleep/ half crying state that lasted a work week, I showered and drove in pajamas to my mothers and just collapsed in her arms, she made me birds in a nest like when i was seven, and we talked and cried, talked and cried, watched Maury in the day time, yelling at those shitty men, and then watching Seinfeld by night, a favorite of ours.
"NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" (she laughs)
remember that bit? That's my favorite episode.
But you dad, you turned her sour and I know it! she has an old album in a shoe box under boxes of board games and old rags and a hat on the top shelf of her closet, and in it are pictures of you! She was so beautiful and so happy! I had never seen her look that way.
She never did marry, or have a serious man in her life. Only a few here and there who would spend the night. Many times here old boss came over and I could tell that he wanted something my mother apparently wasn't willing to give any other man but you, a relationship.
And now I understand why she never forgot you and how it was so much harder, because I look just like you! same long legs and skinny body like birch tree trunks, i have the same vacant looking big eyes and wide mouth. But as we both know my big nose is all moms, the boldest heirloom passed down to he women in her family on her mothers side.
I should probably get to the point as to why I'm here, only because I've been talking your ear off.
But the reason I came is, because well, it was almost a punishment its almost a reminder or a lesson to myself, and to my kids who's father will be around! I will make sure of it, anyway,
the last few years I had made a point to get in touch, to look you up and to email you in London, but i never did, as many times as I opened up a new email in my yahoo account, I had know Idea how to start it out, I was so self conscious of my real first impression to you, that it was a big battle in my mind as what should I say? or how should I say it? will he understand if I use some texting lingo? I don't know, but I better not use it just in case, but if I use all these big words and things will he think I'm some anal dork? Is every one's grammar really good in England? I have no idea why it mattered so much to me,you did hurt me a lot who cares how i act? but now your here not really listening and of course I'm not watching my language or how to behave around you.
I learned that, people must really try, try to know there parents. I regret it so much dad! cause some day they might drop dead like you, and I'll never know anything about my roots or medical history or even where i get this thick and warm voice. Or why I'm the only one in my family who finds beevis and butthead funny! There's so much I want to ask, dad.
I tried to bring Mom you know, but she said "I want to remember him the way I always have, handsome and goofy and smiling"
I should have called her when I got here to tell her that its a closed casket,I mean being hit by a car is not the most becoming thing.
She wouldn't have to see you. Though I really know she more or less didn't come because of the possibility of your wife Brenda. Brenda looks welcoming and like a nice mother, she asked who I was, I hesitated and said I worked with you, but i could see her searching my face and finding you there, but she only hugged me and moved on to the next relative or friend.
I feel kind of dumb you know? sitting here talking to your body. Like you are actually listening, or understanding. I wonder, If you weren't my father, and i met you on the subway or something that I would like you. if we liked the same music or read the same things or were horrible at math in school. There's so much I wish I could have asked you. And of course the best time for me and you is when your dead and there's nothing for you to say. Well guess what Dad? I'm coming to visit you every weekend at you and your wife's plot in the suburbs, until I tell you everything. We do have twenty two years to make up for and I think the best person to tell it to is you.

March from Selma to Montgomery- year 45

How far have we come from this important event in the civil rights movement?

Though Legally white and black people have equal rights today, and we do have a black president(in which it seems to be progressive) but black people are still prejudiced. They may not be hired by companies because of the color of their skin, and the media is degrading races as always.
I feel as though we have made physical changes, that many people still have the same mind set as was there in 1965 during the march.
It seems that there are not many things to do, we have tried and tried for change for over one hundred years, i think the only way for us to get out of this rut is by everyone to consider this state and think a long time about it because change can only come from within. only you can set yourself free.

My weekend: "Treason in America: 9/11, the wars & our Broken Constitution"

Valley Forge, Pennsylvania: On friday March fifth at three thirty p.m., I left Rochester to go with my Dad, to this convention on the truth about 9/11.
I remember september eleventh two thousand and one. I Don't recall the day exactly, I was only five years old. But that day I was in school, a very small private school in the city, We all left early that day, it was a beautiful day and in those carefree years of my life it seemed a day like this could never be ruined. But something was wrong, not many kids could tell, but i noticed. I saw it in the faces of the teachers, and soon we were all picked up early. We all ran outside happy to leave. My parents picked me up together, which I found weird. My mom was worried, she was scared but she stayed quiet about it. My father was upset but I stressed that by not showing it. He took us out to ice cream, we talked about school and the nice day, we talked about what we might eat for dinner, we talked about all those things other than what had happened that morning at ten after nine.
I think that my parents didn't want me to worry. Unfortunately I do not remember how I found out what happened that day. I just know that I know now.
ask yourself, what happened on september eleventh two thousand and one?
people believe that, nine eleven was the day that two planes crashed into the twin towers in new york city, killing thousands. That terrorists had taken control.
Americans believe 9/11 was what the president told us it was. That, what the media told us, was what happened. But it has been proved to me that they are wrong, our government is severely corrupt and that most americans are blinded from a nation controlled by the media, most americans have no idea that three buildings were destroyed.
My next few posts will be on the truth of 9/11. What really happened.
that nine eleven was an inside job. Because its your job and my job to let everyone know what is hidden from us.
http://www.treasoninamericaconference.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJcOWQ1rym8

School of the arts- "or mission is student success... Academic, Artistic, and Humanistic."

I go to the school of the arts in Rochester New York, It is an arts school which involves an audition process, this blog in which I am writing on right now, is apart of my creative writing (my major at the school) class. Our assignment today for our blog is to evaluate our mission (in the above title) it says on our home page (i will provide a link at the bottom of the page) our mission: "OUR MISSION IS STUDENT SUCCESS... ACADEMIC, ARTISTIC, AND HUMANISTIC."

I believe this to be true, to an extent. I don't feel as though SOTA is wrong in this at all. At our school, though an arts school, we focus on our academics above all. I believe this experience, being in an arts school, is a privilege, and It's great if you are the most creative writer in our class, the singer with the broadest vocal range, the artist who makes there drawings closest to the apple they are trying to put on paper, the tech major who had the best craftsmanship in a set, The dance major who can provide the strongest feelings through a dance routine, an actor who can really make an audience believe your character, or a musician who can enchant you with original songs, but in reality it doesn't matter, it can get you far, but in many ways you will get no where without your academics.
Humanity is also one of our important values, our community service hours take us far, and the staff at SOTA is accepting and friendly, like the students. We have our cliques but we don't discriminate, and it depends more, not on they way we dress or how we look, but on the content of our character.
Though SOTA has all of these wonderful values, I think it would be great if we expand our horizons. We have our arts, and I assume most funding goes to this at our school, but I think it would be great if we could have more after school activities, and more extra experiences that range beyond the arts. I think that we should have more sports variety, this would interest more kids and promote exercise. We should split from sharing with east, and make our school bigger, get fields and a pool, and another gym.
But I don't think sports is the only new extracurricular activities we need.
I have a lot of friends who attend Brighton High school, I remember looking in there year book, I turned to the end of it to see the clubs and extracurricular activities, pictures, I was shocked by how many they had. I pointed to as little as seven that I would join if I went to the school. They such a big variety that there were many I would join. I believe if we include more of these, that we can encourage kids to be more well-rounded and educated, find interests of theres for their futures. With these changes we can guarantee a totally more likely chance of a bright future that many kids who are from the inner city would not be able to have without school. We deserve this.
Personally, in addition to these changes I think it would make many students very happy to see more incentives,dances, trips, and pep rallies to promote school spirit.
I love my school and i want it to be the best it can for not only me but for our future generations, if SOTA's mission is student success, I do not see any road blocks into a path of success and for all of my suggestions to come true, if Success is our mission we won't fail.
http://www.sotarochester.org/index.htm

Ten guilty pleasures

1. Love (this is something that you might not believe to be a guilty pleasure, but think about it, we fall in love and only once in awhile do we feel it can be forever with that person, we always get hurt in the end, and its a dangerous path with little chance for success. Yet we keep fighting because the chance of love is our greatest pleasure)

2.my cell phone, (its there when i really want to talk, and still there when I dont want to be bothered, not to mention all my crazy cell phone lingo that sometimes i use in an essay for school without realising it until i check it later)

3.American Idol ( addicting, addicting, addicting and cheesy, cheesy, cheesy)

4.gum (delicious, refreshing, and convienent but it get stuck in my braces like crazy)

5. GTA (sooooo fun, but very wrong)

6. Mean Girls (hilarious, fluffy, and easy on the eyes and totally sterotypical)

7.High heels ( feel sexy in them, but trip in them and make yourself taller then the guys)

8. Rachel Ray ( damn i want to punch her in the face, but the things that come out of her oven are delicious)

9. Jersey shore ( Funny, addicting, suggestive and entirely immoral)

10. Star bucks (delicious designer label coffee that can make you bankrupt within a week)